Being a girl is so freaking difficult.
Friday, January 8, 2016 @ 2:28 AM
I wanted to actually shorten this post to just make it my Instagram caption tapi nvm la, since I havent been updating my blog for months, why not now when I actually have a topic. Lol.
Anyway, it's the 8th of jan 2016. Happy new year! Iz it too late now to say hny..? #sorry #justinbieber.
School has been doing pretty well.. so far. It's just the 5th day btw LOL. But I kinda like it la ok la the teachers r so far ok. 17 already, SPM in just a few months. I am not emotionally, mentally & physically ready. I don't think I ever will be. Haha
Anyway, let's get straight into what I'm writing this post for at the 1st place -- being a girl is so freaking difficult!
I came across a vid on Instagram, a girl trying to put her fake eyelashes on with difficulties.. then she said that. My title. "Being a girl is so freaking difficult!" It's not exactly like that though tbh. I changed the actual f-word to 'freaking' because come on, my blog iz clean!! Haha.
I disagree to what she said.
Being a girl is honestly not difficult.
I the other day, tried to wear my shawl with a different kind of style from how I usually do wrap it. Saje la nak try test tengok orang lain pakai macam lawa je. Jadi aku sebagai manusia yang konon nak get in with the trend, I wanted to give it a try. I took ard 30 minutes to pakai the bloody shawl. Or more. I can't recall but I took a lot of time, trust me. Padahal org lain dah biasa and amik masa maybe ard 5 mins je. And then there's me.. baru nak try.
It was depressing.
The first try it was too labuh, sampai it covered my siku. Second try, too short it exposed my chest. Third try, sloppy. Fourth fifth sixth try mengamuk keluar semua carutan. Kalau iman at the lowest point tu, confirm buat keputusan nak freehair on that day jugak!! Nauzubillahminzalik hahaha nasib baik la bertahan dengan kenipisan iman yang masih tinggal tu.
Then my brother came, "pakai macam biasa jelah". My brother as someone who hates seeing me try so hard... dia memang camtu! Kakak kat belakang "ok dah tu, pakai je macam tu. cantik dah" lepastu bertekak, "cantik memang cantik, tapi bamir lagi suka Fiqah pakai macam biasa". My bro obv likes benda-benda yang simple. Kalau boleh pakai tudung bawal, pakai la. Kadang tu pakai lipstick pun dia kecoh! Haha. Suka natural beauty sangat konon.
Lepastu last try, it worked. Tak perfect. Tapi as long as I myself tak fikir that I look like an animal pun ok dah. What u think of u, is what prolly ppl also think of u. Kot? At least that's what I think! Gelak lagi. I'm so a narcissist. Nampak sangat fikir apa diri sendiri fikir je kakahakahakaahkakaa.
Time tu fikir, ok nak pegi Curve. Nanti time solat susah la nak lilit balik. I don't want to spend another 30 mins after every waktu solat just to put my shawl on! So dah set if I can't pakai shawl tu betul betul on d first try lepas solat, i'll just wrap it macam biasa. U know the wrap it once ard ur head je, lepastu dah, settle.
But surprisingly dalam surau masatu -- eh sekali try terus ok. Macam oo wow gitew. Mungkin urusan dipermudahkan selepas solat, ha nampak tak? Lepasni nak pakai shawl kena pakai dalam surau.
Tu pun tak perfect terus la. I still had to go to the toilet sebenarnya untuk adjust bagi bebetul sebab pin tu cekik sampai I couldn't tilt my head. Pandang kiri kanan pun susah, macam ada orang yang menghalang kepala untuk bergerak. Annoying gila ok? So I went to d toilet.. fixed it and keluar balik.
Thing is, I struggled. Over a freaking shawl.
Not because I'm a girl.
Being a girl is not difficult.
Trying to be pretty is.
The fact that I can just wrap my shawl macam biasa je, but I chose to try to be pretty and follow steps on Youtube (hijjab tutorial side loose) (so bila marah I can flip my hijjab). I could wear tudung bawal, I could wear instant shawl, I could wear bokita, I could wear tudung sarung. But I didn't want to.
I was the one yang made what's actually boleh jadi senang je sebenarnya but
I chose to buat yang susah. Why?
I wanted to feel pretty. I also care abt what people would think about me (tbh) tapi main reason adalah kalau boleh I wanna look into the mirror sampai rasa macam..
i v v insecure w myself.
Ha narcissist gila, bukan? Tapi jangan lah buat selalu apatah lagi depan orang. Kakakakakakakka.
I used to be the girl who never cares. I can go out, to Sunway Pyramid and just wear tudung sarung I bought for 10MYR, kasut sekolah yang tak pernah basuh, stoking sekolah also, and yh..
Masa form 2, I even went to school dengan kain sekolah tak bergosok because I thought, alah siapa je tengok kain sekolah orang?
Bila fikir balik sekarang, bapak selekehnya. Anak sape ko ni?? Haha.
It's fine to try hard ke for our own satisfaction, that's what I think la. Cuma don't over-do it and don't complain. Allah has made u as a girl so be it. You just have to be you, it's not even difficult. Google out the benefits of being born as a woman. Even guys would prolly want to be a woman tau. Mungkin sebab tu pondan berleluasa. KakakakKk lagi.
And by the way, if you're person who doesn't really care abt what ppl think of u and think that you're pretty enough that you never have to try anything to satisfy urself, make sure at least you're neat dan tak selekeh like how I used to! Haha. Tu macam selekeh campur pengotor kasut sekolah putih macam kasut sekolah pengawas. Pembersih pun ok dah senanya. Setakat tudung kelepet apala sangat kan.