up2.
Friday, September 4, 2015 @ 10:49 PM
Assalamualaikum!
Hai.
UP2 has ended today. Buat berapa kalinya aku menyesal sebab study last minit. Aku harap benda ni takkan berulang untuk final exam nanti.
I'm like 80% sure I'm going to fail like majority of the subjects. Punya la blank the whole time. Jawab exam macam tak pernah pergi sekolah.
Tadi paper EA. Mengantuk dia memang teruk punya mengantuk. First time jugak dalam sejarah hidup aku mengantuk sebegitu teruk masa exam. Tersengguk-sengguk pandang paper. Dah lah blank taktahu nak hantam apa bahagian subjektif.
Sekejap 2-3 saat mata terpejam. 3 saat tu punya la indah siap mimpi. Sedar balik try la tulis 2 3 ayat gigih nak hentam jugak, at least tak tinggal kosong.
Dalam keadaan mamai..
Tulis kat ruang jawapan 'semangat bangsa....' apa ni? Paper ekonomi taktahu lah bahagian mana yang nak semangat bangsa sangat.
Taktahu masa tu nak gelak ke menangis. Harapan aku sekarang takde la aku hantar paper EA tu yang terkandung apa-apa yang aku tulis masa mamai tapi tak perasan, lupa nak padam ke apa ke. Harap cikgu tak give up dengan aku.
Maaf cikgu.
Piano.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015 @ 7:48 PM
I think I owe people a story about my piano journey (lah sangat!) haha. How I started to continue playing after 3 years of abandoning it. Yes, three years.
I started learning at the age of 11.
Sebenarnya I was torn in between to learn piano ke violin. Then I decided to amik violin because omg who knows why??? Lepastu ayah kata violin boring sebab lagu slow slow & menyedihkan serta lagu yang memurungkan hidup je yang boleh main. Unless dah gempak level Lindsey Stirling yang kena belajar bertahun tahun. But I didn't mind. Nak jugak nak jugak nak jugak!
And then we went to the class nak register. Teacher tu cakap nak belajar violin if you know nothing about music ni memang susah sangat. So okay, I go with piano. Tapi tak register lagi. Ayah cakap register after beli piano. Kang dah belajar kat class takde piano kat rumah, cemana nak practise.. And yup, you can consider that piano really was my second choice. And then we bought an electronic piano. Of course lah excited. Second choice tak second choice. I couldn't get over piano. Tiap masa hadap dia je. Padahal tak reti main pun. Sebab tak enter class lagi time tu.
So permulaan, I refer to synthesia. Time tu layan Metallica. Belajar Nothing Else Matter. Dah main sikit, terus suruh ayah dengar aku main. He was proud. That I didnt attend class pun I already can play kinda well for a beginner - who knows nothing abt music at that time. Tapi synthesia kot. Siapa je tak boleh follow? Masa tu jela bajet sikit muahahahha.
And then few weeks later baru masuk class what so ever bla bla bla sampai 3 years. Sampai la form 1. And then I lost interest. I got bored. Cikgu piano asyik ditukar tukar. Mood pun tukar tukar. Dah suka cikgu tu, few months dia tukar lagi. Until last sekali I got a male teacher. And kinda pissed sebab dia ajar sambil dia belajar. Because class tu 30 minutes je tau, and once a week. So don't waste time plZZzzsss??? Teach me. You're my teacher. U learn at home. In class, u teach me.
Gitew ha. Protes.
So macam, you know it's kinda annoying bila dia nak ajar "like this," lepastu dia main piano to show me. Kejap lagi dia stop because he hit the wrong note. Lepastu dia try so many times sampai dapat. Sama la cemana aku practise kat rumah. I know people make mistakes. But if every classes buat macam tu bosan la jugak. I expect u to teach me. Ko praktis la kat rumah, cmOn! Dia bazirkan suku masa kelas aku tau. Kalau class free takpe. Huh! Okay dah lah tu. nak cite pasal cikgu ke pasal aku kan?
And then stop la piano class. Pujuk ayah nak violin. Kengkonon sebab dah tahu pasal music. Accepted. Ayah pun belikan violin. Few months after class violin tu I stopped HAHAHA!
Violin gotta be the hardest shit to learn. Bosan ah nak gesek bow pun aku give up.
So start pertengahan 2012 sampai la 2014 memang aku tak main instruments. Dengar lagu je. Kadang kadang bila bosan main piano. Repeat lagu yang sama selama 2 taun tu sebab memang takde mood betul nak belajar lagu lain. Lagu nothing else matters pun dah lupa. Main lagu Marriage D Amour je. Dah sampai 2 taun, I can actually play lagu tu with my eyes shut. Family pun agaknya bernanah telinga. Haha.
Lepastu, 2015 comes.
Shahzreen, my unbiological sister sejak darjah 6. She's the one yang memang support me in everything I do. And then she loves seeing me play lagu Marriage D Amour tu. This year, she uploaded me playing the song dekat Instagram dia. And then the comments memang gave me semangat to continue playing. Tapi macam tu macam tu jela. Tak main jugak pun.
Kemudian, I, as a typical teenage girl... bhaha I like someone. :)
I don't really consider it as me liking that someone. I fell in love. By his way at everything he does, his voice and.. whatever bla bla bla. Yet he doesn't even know my full name. Odd is that, I didn't even know who he was. Adakah ini namanya chenta di pandang pertama? Bhaha! We share the same school though. And I know almost everything about him ald. Lol.
I told my siblings about it. Lepastu pesanan abangku, he said to not stop playing piano. Continue. In some ways, maybe, who knows that would attract him.
So I did. I listen to his advice. Months after, my instagram feed is full with piano covers. He did like some of my vids. I get song requests quite a lot. Didn't thought I'd end up being like this. My obsession over piano is mad. I can also play some songs by ear. Currently having 20 pending requests. And get to know alot of pianists who also watch my cover kat Instagram.
Dekat sekolah pun tak sabar balik rumah because nak main piano.
I actually have a hobby, and a life, something to do when I'm bored. You know. Other than tweeting and instagram-ing and such. I. Have. A. Hobby.
And I thank my crush a lot for that. He gives me my life back. And from that I think piano is really meant for me. Dari dulu macam asyik ke arah piano je. Though my heart goes for violin, tapi Tuhan dah letakkan piano for me.
And now I don't play piano to even attract my crush anymore. I play it from my heart. I play it for me. I get happiness. And calmness. Peaceful. Because literally, 'we can't touch music'.
But it can touch you.
Sincerely.
2015
Saturday, January 17, 2015 @ 6:54 AM
Assalamualaikum!
It's 2015.
2015!!
For some people, no not some. For majority of people they say 2015 is just a new plain year like the other previous years where nothing actually change but the number of the year. Same self, same things to go through, same ""shit"" or whatever they claim it to be. They say -- it all still are the same.
Not for me.
Everything's changed.
Even I had to change my ambition -- which hurts so bad. Started school on Jan 12th. It was the worst day of my life. And since then I never had a beauty sleep at night. Have been crying my eyes out since that day. It was a total nightmare, I've been praying to God to please wake me up. Until today I still hope for that day was just a dream. & He didnt grant that one.
I believe it when they say that He never says no. That there's never a "no" from Him. That He either says "Yes," "Yes, but not now," or "I have a better plan for you."
For sure it's not a Yes for me this time. And I still dont know if it's a "later" or He has a better plan for me.
I, since teachers start asking "what do you want to be when you grow up?"
I never had to think twice. I only had one ambition.
And then I grew slightly older. They changed the question to a much simpler way because I was wiser. Umur dah up sikit. People no longer ask apa nak jadi besar nanti to a 12 years old. Kita tanya, "apa cita cita?"
Simple. Senang.
Still the same. And I thought that day, ok, this is what I want to be, it will not change. No matter what.
But there go, my wrong. My fault. Because all I ever do was hope. And keep reminding myself that that's what I want to be, itu cita-cita kau. But I didn't work my best for it. Instead I even failed dekat tengah tengah jalan.
Not even slightly close nak dapatkan, and then fail.
My PT3 results suck. It was the worst thing that had happened to me, lepas 15 taun of living. It was the worst so far I swear to God. It changed the whole game. The whole plan I made for my future sejak I was 11/12.
But I don't know if that sucks more or the time my name been called to enter a class dengan aliran ICT. I don't know which sucks more.
No, I am not saying my class sucks. Aliran ICT sucks. Or I have no future or takde peluang kerja in 20 years. I love my class.
ICT is fun. Siapa tak suka komputer? I am a student. Dude, a secondary school student. Internet. This thing yang sangat dunia kini. I cannot live without computer, technology, internet and all of this.
The thing I've been crying my eyes out over adalah sebab I have to make myself a wake up call everyday that, now, wahai diri, you, can not & can never achieve your dreams anymore. Sangat jauh from aliran ICT to become a doctor.
I had, to change my ambition.
And my friend, it hurts. Very, extremely hurts. Still I can feel my heart aches everytime I see anything related to doctor -- hospital and so on.
But ICT is one of the thing yang aku sangat minat. Can't say yang aku sangat anti ICT dan sangat tak suka ICT, because computer is my thing. Tech is so my thing. Sangat sangat minat. I love solving problems yang berkait dengan laptop.
But the issue is, my ambition was to be a doctor. My only ambition. No, not was. Still is. Nak jadi doctor ofkoz la kena amik aliran science. Apa tiba tiba belajar komputer keluar keluar jadi doktor kan? Hahak! *masukkan cip dalam badan pesakit*
I can do nothing about it. I dont know where I'm going sebab aku taktau pun aliran ICT ni bila keluar alam sekolah boleh jadi apa. Aku taktau pun aliran ni wujud sebenarnya. Aku tau pasal komputer, basic things, tapi aku taktau what to become. Engineer computer? Programmer? Tu je aku tau.
2015 is a total different year, different everything untuk aku. Everything's changed. Dan all I aim for adalah to score my maths, science and addmaths untuk 1st upcoming exam nanti -- ayah said to score addmaths.
I hope I can go far in this. I promised myself to not play around and keluar every week anymore. Lol.
Anyways, I've visited alot of cool cafes previously with my friends tapi on 2014 la and ingat nak update but photos semua dalam phone. So I'll update soon! Ciao.